Covenant-Keeping Marriages

Last Sunday I referred to the need for married couples to focus on the necessity of covenant-keeping should they keep their marriage healthy. It is that covenant that is the foundational element for keeping their marriage strong, healthy, and vibrant. We don't often tend to talk about covenant anymore, because the concept has been supplanted by that of contract. So today I want to share some thoughts on the essential aspects of the covenant so that we are encouraged to consider the Biblical principles of relationship over the cultural aspects.

A covenant consists of several elements. 1) A clear definition of the parties involved. 2) a legally binding set of provisions that stipulate the conditions of the relationship. 3) the promise of blessing for obedience. 4) the condition for obtaining the blessings. (Wayne Grudem, Systematic Theology)

The covenant of marriage is a unique covenant in that it is entered into by three parties. The couple themselves engage in covenant together, and as Christians the covenant is entered into with God. We find in Scripture the statement by Jesus in Mark 10:10, "What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate." This emphasizes the relationship of the Lord as a party in the marriage covenant.

The word "chesed" is used in the Old Testament to describes God's loyalty to his covenant obligations. That word is often translated "lovingkindness," "mercy," and "love." However, this word carries some specific theological implications. First it emphasizes fidelity to covenental obligations. Second it includes the element of love. This love is not only emotional, but contains the elements of grace, mercy, kindness and is descriptive of the acts of love, not just the attribute.

When we refer to God's love, it should be noted that there is nothing in and of us that demands His love. No amount of work, no amount of goodness, no amount of self-righteousness can qualify us to be deserving of His love. We are loved simply because of His grace and His mercy out of His goodness, and His will. This means for couples, there will be moments, maybe even seasons, when the loveliness of your spouse is not so great. Can I encourage you, love because He first loved you. Make every effort to imitate this covenant-keeping God we know.

Covenant also consists of a third element, the element of freedom. It is the freedom of all parties when the covenant is entered into that makes this such a wonderful commitment. When reciting vows during a wedding, the groom and the bride each covenant to keep their relationship inviolably with one another before the Lord. The vow may go something like this, "I, Matthew, take you, Katie, to be my wife. To have and to hold from this day forward. To love, to honor, to cherish, in sickness, and in health, 'til death do us part." When that vow is entered into, it is done so freely by each person, and done so with a commitment to maintain. The covenant is then what binds them together, never to be free from one another, but free with one another.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote:

God makes your marriage indissoluble, and protects it from every danger that may threaten it from within and without; he will be the guarantor of its indissolubility. It is a blessed thing to know that no power on earth, no temptation, no human frailty can dissolve what God holds together; indeed, anyone who knows that may say confidently: What God has joined together, can no man put asunder. Free from all the anxiety that is always a characteristic of love, you can now say to each other with complete confident assurance: We can never lose each other now; by the will of God we belong to each other till death.

As God is effectually involved in every marriage (Mark 10:10), He is the only one who has the right to break a marriage. He does this by death. (I also recognize that there are exceptions to this statement when unrepentant people, specifically unbelievers, pursue the specific action of infidelity and seek divorce). For married couples our greatest desire should be to build every aspect of our relationship on this foundation of covenant. It should be at the core of our communication, our friendship, our conflicts, and our intimacy. As we accomplish this, the testimony of a covenant keeping God is displayed for a weary, weakened, worried, wondering world to see.

And as couples emphasize this covenant-keeping attitude with one another, the blessings of your married life will increase. Katie and I have learned in 16 years of marriage, that we will have conflict, stress, struggles, doubts and questions. But, we have also learned that the commitment to our covenant together and covenant with God enables those moments and circumstances to be redeemed for our sanctification. Therefore we have peace, joy, contentment, happiness, hope, laughter, and love. May you find this same type of economy as you elevate your covenant of marriage.

Submit To One Another - Really ?!?

B.F. Westcott, commented on Ephesians 5:21, “In mutual subjection all realize the joy of fellowship. Such harmonious subjection of one to another is the social expression of the personal feeling of thankfulness.”

Having just taught on the consequence of thankfulness being one of the results of “careful living,” this quote grabbed my attention. Doesn't it make sense that when we “always” express thankfulness to God “for everything” the result will be mutual subjection that produces harmonious relationships as we mutually interdependently serve and worship the Lord?

The importance of “getting this right” (that is mutual submission), is that it is the foundation for specific principles that guard all of our relationships. The principle of mutual submission can only begin with the proper motivation. Paul defines this proper motivation to be out of reverence for Christ. This is consistent with Paul's earlier statements in verse 15 when he utilizes the Greek word oun, which is often translated "therefore." Remember, Paul has previously instructed his readers in regards to their identity in Jesus and the necessity of imitating God as beloved children. The consistent goal Paul has in mind is the exultation and renown of Jesus Christ.

Matthew Henry describes this submission as “a mutual submission that Christians owe one to another, condescending to bear one another's burdens: not advancing themselves above others, nor domineering over one another and giving laws to one another.” It is born out of an understanding of our proper position before God, a reverential fear of Him for His sake. Every individual can only properly align their relationships when they have a correct biblical understanding of their status before God. John Calvin wrote, “It is evident that man never attains to a true self-knowledge until he has previously contemplated the face of God, and come down after such contemplation to look into himself.”

If we are going to be successful in any relationship it must begin with the consideration of our position before God, a humility before Him that identifies our equality with every individual, especially other believers, and therefore begins with mutual submission to one another based on this principle. This mutual submission is the basis for healthy individual relationships among believers. (Hopefully as you read this there is not a tendency to interpret this to mean submission at the expense of other principles as outlined in Scripture).

It is essential to understand that mutual submission does not negate the importance of structure within organizations that also requires us to be submissive. Paul continues his teaching by outlining some of these relationships. He begins with an examination of the marriage relationship, then addresses children, and concludes with instructions to slaves and masters. In relation to this, MacArthur notes, “A nation cannot function without the authority of its rulers, soldiers, police, judges, and son on. Such people do not hold their authority because they are inherently better than everyone else but because without the appointment and exercise of orderly authority the nation would disintegrate into anarchy.” He continues quoting Hebrews 13:17, “Likewise within the church we are to “obey” [our] leaders, and submit to them; for they keep watch over [our] souls as those who will give an account.”

If there is going to be success in any organization there must be a system in place for people to work in an orderly manner for the efficiency of that group. As individuals, leaders are no more superior, however, in the organization there will be those who hold positions of authority; there will exist structure, hierarchy, authority and the need for submission from members in the organization. MacArthur says, “As with leaders in government, it is not that church leaders inherently superior to other Christians or that men are inherently superior to women, but that no institution – including the church – can function without a system of authority and submission.”

As we consider our relationships, it is necessary that the role each individual fills in that relationship be carefully determined so that the matter of submission is handled biblically. For marriage there are instructions regarding roles given in Scripture for the man and the woman to fill respective of their genders. Their should be mutual submission in some matters and in others there will be a need for submission according to Biblical principles. As noted earlier the key to thriving in relationships, as a couple in marriage, as parent and child, government to civilian, or church leader to layperson, there must be a clear understanding of the roles and a fervent desire for following in righteousness so that Jesus be magnified by your living.