Covenant-Keeping Marriages

Last Sunday I referred to the need for married couples to focus on the necessity of covenant-keeping should they keep their marriage healthy. It is that covenant that is the foundational element for keeping their marriage strong, healthy, and vibrant. We don't often tend to talk about covenant anymore, because the concept has been supplanted by that of contract. So today I want to share some thoughts on the essential aspects of the covenant so that we are encouraged to consider the Biblical principles of relationship over the cultural aspects.

A covenant consists of several elements. 1) A clear definition of the parties involved. 2) a legally binding set of provisions that stipulate the conditions of the relationship. 3) the promise of blessing for obedience. 4) the condition for obtaining the blessings. (Wayne Grudem, Systematic Theology)

The covenant of marriage is a unique covenant in that it is entered into by three parties. The couple themselves engage in covenant together, and as Christians the covenant is entered into with God. We find in Scripture the statement by Jesus in Mark 10:10, "What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate." This emphasizes the relationship of the Lord as a party in the marriage covenant.

The word "chesed" is used in the Old Testament to describes God's loyalty to his covenant obligations. That word is often translated "lovingkindness," "mercy," and "love." However, this word carries some specific theological implications. First it emphasizes fidelity to covenental obligations. Second it includes the element of love. This love is not only emotional, but contains the elements of grace, mercy, kindness and is descriptive of the acts of love, not just the attribute.

When we refer to God's love, it should be noted that there is nothing in and of us that demands His love. No amount of work, no amount of goodness, no amount of self-righteousness can qualify us to be deserving of His love. We are loved simply because of His grace and His mercy out of His goodness, and His will. This means for couples, there will be moments, maybe even seasons, when the loveliness of your spouse is not so great. Can I encourage you, love because He first loved you. Make every effort to imitate this covenant-keeping God we know.

Covenant also consists of a third element, the element of freedom. It is the freedom of all parties when the covenant is entered into that makes this such a wonderful commitment. When reciting vows during a wedding, the groom and the bride each covenant to keep their relationship inviolably with one another before the Lord. The vow may go something like this, "I, Matthew, take you, Katie, to be my wife. To have and to hold from this day forward. To love, to honor, to cherish, in sickness, and in health, 'til death do us part." When that vow is entered into, it is done so freely by each person, and done so with a commitment to maintain. The covenant is then what binds them together, never to be free from one another, but free with one another.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote:

God makes your marriage indissoluble, and protects it from every danger that may threaten it from within and without; he will be the guarantor of its indissolubility. It is a blessed thing to know that no power on earth, no temptation, no human frailty can dissolve what God holds together; indeed, anyone who knows that may say confidently: What God has joined together, can no man put asunder. Free from all the anxiety that is always a characteristic of love, you can now say to each other with complete confident assurance: We can never lose each other now; by the will of God we belong to each other till death.

As God is effectually involved in every marriage (Mark 10:10), He is the only one who has the right to break a marriage. He does this by death. (I also recognize that there are exceptions to this statement when unrepentant people, specifically unbelievers, pursue the specific action of infidelity and seek divorce). For married couples our greatest desire should be to build every aspect of our relationship on this foundation of covenant. It should be at the core of our communication, our friendship, our conflicts, and our intimacy. As we accomplish this, the testimony of a covenant keeping God is displayed for a weary, weakened, worried, wondering world to see.

And as couples emphasize this covenant-keeping attitude with one another, the blessings of your married life will increase. Katie and I have learned in 16 years of marriage, that we will have conflict, stress, struggles, doubts and questions. But, we have also learned that the commitment to our covenant together and covenant with God enables those moments and circumstances to be redeemed for our sanctification. Therefore we have peace, joy, contentment, happiness, hope, laughter, and love. May you find this same type of economy as you elevate your covenant of marriage.